Tag Archive for: parenting

life post-holidays

How to Support Kids with Autism Through Holiday Letdown

/in , /by

Parent Perspective: Navigating Life Post-Holidays

The holidays are a lot. For autism parents, December is filled with constant planning and preparation in hopes that our children can navigate every holiday party, gift exchange, and Christmas pageant with ease. We take steps to ensure our kids don’t experience sensory overload or consume too much sugar, while in the midst of it all, we want to savor the joy and magic ourselves.

Seeing the holidays through our children’s eyes—the wonder of visiting Santa or the delight of opening another favorite gift—is a tremendous blessing to us as parents. Yet, as magical and stressful as the season can be, there’s a shared sense of sadness once it’s over. Another season has passed, and we’re faced with the transition back to the routines of daily life with autism. 

life post-holidays

While our kids often thrive on routine—even back to familiar schedules—it can still be challenging. That sense of holiday letdown is real, for both parents and kids. To help you and your child adjust to life post-holidays, here are some practical strategies for easing into 2025 with confidence and peace. 

Reestablish routines gradually.

If you can take a couple of days to transition back to your routine, the adjustment will likely go much more smoothly. Small, gradual changes can make a big difference. 

  • Purge the holiday treats: Clear out leftover holiday sweets and reintroduce healthier options your child will enjoy. 
  • Ease back into therapy: Schedule therapy sessions before school starts again if possible. Ask your child’s therapists to include time to pair with your child and process their holiday experiences. 
  • Shift wake-up times: If your child has been sleeping during break, start waking them up earlier, inching closer to their regular schedule. 
  • Adjust bedtimes: Begin putting your child to bed closer to their typical school night routine. 

I know these changes are hard to make as a parent. I often have the best intentions of putting my son to bed early, but when we’re cuddling on the couch at the end of the day, I don’t want to interrupt a sweet moment of connection. To be completely honest, I also don’t want to deal with a possible meltdown over going to bed. 

If you need additional support with transitions, consider using a visual calendar or social story to help your child envision the return to their daily routine. These can set clear expectations for what’s ahead and help ease anxiety about upcoming changes. 

Plan for downtime.

Before they return to school.

The holiday hustle can be both joyful and overstimulating. After things have quieted down, plan some intentional downtime to help your child decompress. Give them opportunities to spend extended periods of time at home, where they feel most safe and loved. During this free, unstructured time, encourage them to:

  • Play with the new toys they received over the holidays.
  • Rewatch their favorite Christmas movies. 
  • Use sensory tools to help them reregulate, such as swings, crash pads, and stim toys.

After they return to school.

Once your child returns to school, avoid filling your evenings with too many activities. Overscheduling them, whether therapy sessions, extracurriculars, or even errands make challenging behaviors more apt to occur. The transition back to school and therapy often places increased demands on your child, and they may need more time to adjust. Allow them the space to unwind in their familiar environment where they can decompress after a busy day. 

Create a soothing environment at home. I find making home cozy and inviting in the winter months, helps our whole family, especially my autistic son. Once the Christmas tree comes down things can feel barren and depressing, but you can still have a fire in the fireplace, keep the lights low, cover yourselves in weighted blankets, and play soft music signaling to your child that it’s time to slow down. 

Reminisce about the holiday highlights

It’s important for kids with autism to have outlets to process and express their feelings about big events, same as all of us. Whether your child is speaking or uses an AAC device, create opportunties of them to talk about the holidays. 

For example, after significant events in our family, we add special memories to my son’s AAC device under a page called “Life Events.” This allows him to revisit moments like attending summer camp, dressing up for Halloween, or spending time with cousins and grandparents during Christmas in another state. By doing this, we gain insight into what’s important to him and better prepare him for future trips and events. 

Here are some questions to help guide your conversations: 

  • People they saw: Who did you spend time with? Grandparents, cousins, friends? 
  • Special events: What activities did you enjoy the most? Baking cookies, visiting Santa, opening gifts?
  • Feelings: How do you feel now that the holidays are over? Happy, sad, relieved? 

It’s okay if your child is repetitive or hyperfocused on one thing in particular. As they process their experience they may begin to perseverate, but remember how important it is to give them a way to talk about what they loved, or hated, about this time of year. 

Plan something to look forward to

Transitions are easier when there’s something exciting to look forward to. While returning to routines can feel bittersweet, creating new events or goals can help both you and your child shift focus to what’s ahead.

Here are some ways to anticipate new things in the coming year:

  • Mark it on your calendar: Visually highlight upcoming events your child might enjoy like Valentine’s Day or a fun family outing.
  • Start a new tradition: January can feel like a dull month, but you can make it special. For instance, plan a “Winter Fun Day” where you play in the snow or enjoy a cup of hot chocolate together. 
  • Set small goals: Write down a few achievable goals for 2025, such as learning a new skill or earning a reward for completing daily tasks. Post these in a visible spot, like the kitchen, to remind your child of what they’re working toward.

If you’re unsure of what to look forward to, ask your child’s ABA clinician for suggestions. They may have creative ideas for incorporating fun, motivating activities into therapy sessions. The new year is a great time to introduce new approaches to help your child reach their goals while keeping them engaged and excited. 

A fresh start for the new year

As hard as the holidays are, it’s also hard to face when they are finished. I have mixed feelings about going back to real life after wearing PJs till noon, shopping sales, and going out to the movies. For kids with autism, the adjustment can feel especially challenging and may bring out some problematic behaviors. With patience, preparation, and a little creative redirection, you can help your child ease into 2025 with hope. As you guide them, don’t forget to celebrate the small victories along the way—both theirs and yours. It may not be exactly how you envisioned but it can still be good. 

Here’s to a fresh start and a happy new year for you and your family! 

What are your ideas and questions?

We value your feedback! Share your thoughts and questions in the comments below. Your input helps us continue providing insightful content on autism and ABA therapy.

If you found this post helpful, please like, share, and follow us for more insightful content on autism and ABA therapy.

Interested in a positive, play-based approach to ABA? 

Connect with BrightPath Behavior today. Our friendly team is here to answer your questions and support your journey.

 

Kathy McClelland is a freelance copywriter and marketer for pediatric healthcare and special education brands from Austin, Texas. Before becoming a mom, her work included promoting medical journals and online publications for the American Academy of Pediatrics and parenting books for Tyndale House Publishers. When her second son was born with a rare genetic condition, she was thrust into the world of special needs parenting. Her website is kathymcopywriting.com.

Disclaimer: While I am a consultant writing on behalf of BrightPath Behavior, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at BrightPath Behavior.

Note: The information provided in this article is for general guidance and does not replace professional advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.

Photo used with permission by the blog author.

autism diagnosis

How to Talk to Your Child About Their Autism Diagnosis

/in , /by

It is hard to know when and how to talk to your child about their autism diagnosis. It can feel overwhelming—for you and them—but it’s important to begin helping them understand who they are and how they interact with the world. Just as every child is unique, every child with autism is unique, and no one conversation will cover all the things they need to know. 

Consider thinking through a few things before you sit down with your child. The most important thing is to frame the conversation in a positive, supportive, and empowering way. Hopefully, this blog post will guide you through when and how to approach the autism talk. 

autism diagnosis

 

Understanding what autism looks like for your child. 

Before you have a conversation with your child about their autism, it is essential for you to truly understand what it looks like for your child. Some of the common symptoms associated with autism may not be part of your child’s diagnosis, while others could be pervasive. You may want to process this with your partner or someone close to your family first. 

A helpful exercise to prepare you for the conversation is to explain how having a child on the autism spectrum affects your child and family. The first step in this process is to identify your child’s strengths and challenges and be able to talk about them honestly with those closest to you. 

Here are some things you can do in the preparation stage of the process:

  • Educate yourself on autism. Know how it presents in your child. List their specific needs, strengths, and areas of support. Use your informed understanding to help shape the conversation with your child. 
  • Practice talking about autism with your partner or close friend. Just like with anything, the practice helps you be more confident and comfortable with what you want to say. 

Finding the right time to talk to your child about their autism. 

Whether it’s a planned conversation or it happens spontaneously, there’s no one right time to discuss your child’s autism. The timing will likely depend on your child’s development and ability to understand or their curiosity about their differences. 

Many experts recommend discussing it with your child earlier rather than later. The idea behind these recommendations is to help your child build self-awareness over time. But again, there’s no predetermined age by which you should have this conversation. All children, even those with autism, mature differently. As their parent, you’ll know when it’s right for your family.

Here are some things to keep in mind about the timing:

  • Pay attention to their questions and cues. If they start asking, “Why am I different?” or “Why do I go to therapy?” you can use these cues to lead into the conversation. 
  • Be prepared not only for the initial conversation but for ongoing conversations. As your child grows, their questions may change as their understanding changes. Be ready to reenter the discussion as they become more aware of who they are and struggle to understand it. 

Use positive, empowering language that is also age-appropriate.

How you talk about your child’s autism sets the tone for your child’s self-perception. When you label autism as what your child has, be sure to emphasize that it is not who they are. It is only one part of them. Autism gives them unique strengths as well as areas where they struggle. 

Explain to your child in an age-appropriate way. 

When they are young, it can be as simple as “Having autism means your brain works differently from most people. It can make some things easier and some things harder.” This conversation will become more nuanced and specific to their challenges as your child ages. You may need to discuss in-depth things like why they go to therapy and ways to help them navigate school, friendships, and social situations. 

Regardless of how old they are, keep these things at the forefront of your mind in all of your conversations: 

  • Highlight their specific strengths over and over again.
  • Avoid telling them there are certain things they can’t do. 
  • Read them books about what it’s like to have autism, such as Uniquely Wired by Julia Cook or I See Things Differently by Pat Thomas.
  • Show them characters like Julia from Sesame Street or Pablo.
  • Point them toward role models with autism in different fields like technology, art, or science as they get older.
  • Reassure them that they are loved and supported and that you will help them navigate hard things for them.
  • Explain Therapy: If they attend ABA therapy or other services, explain that these therapies help them develop skills to succeed in school, friendships, and daily life.
  • Teach Self-Advocacy: Encourage your child to share when something is hard for them and to understand that asking for help is a strength.

When children may not be able to understand their diagnosis.

It’s important to acknowledge that though many individuals with autism will be able to engage in a conversation about how their diagnosis affects their daily living, many will not. My son falls into this category. If that’s your child, too, I see you. It’s still crucial for us to understand on a deep level who our child is and how their strengths and weaknesses affect their life because, in many ways, we are their voice. We must be able to communicate these things on their behalf to their teachers, peers, and even strangers in the community.

Children who are more profoundly affected by autism are, in many ways, shielded from caring about the opinions of others and needing to conform to a society not built for them. As their parents, that load falls primarily on us. A big part of your job will be to find places of acceptance and accommodation so they can thrive. 

If your child, like mine, isn’t able to engage in a conversation about their diagnosis, perhaps the conversations you may be having about autism and its effects are with siblings and close family members. How we love and nurture our children with autism requires lots of empathy, patience, and understanding for those who live with them day in and day out. 

Continuing the conversation about autism.

Talking to your child about their autism diagnosis can feel daunting. However, you may feel better after you’ve had the initial conversation. With patience, love, and an invitation to keep talking, you will help them embrace who they are and grow into a confident, self-aware individual.

Remember, if it doesn’t go how you envisioned, everyone processes this differently. It may take time. It is just one conversation of many to come. Approaching this journey with empathy, encouragement, and an openness to understanding them will go a long way. 

What questions do you have about talking to your child about autism?

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below. If you found this post helpful, please feel free to like, share, and follow us for more insightful content on autism and ABA therapy.

If a positive, play-based approach to ABA appeals to you, we invite you to reach out to BrightPath Behavior. The friendly team at BrightPath is always ready to help answer your questions.

 

Kathy McClelland is a freelance copywriter and marketer for pediatric healthcare and special education brands from Austin, Texas. Before becoming a mom, her work included promoting medical journals and online publications for the American Academy of Pediatrics and parenting books for Tyndale House Publishers. When her second son was born with a rare genetic condition, she was thrust into the world of special needs parenting. Her website is kathymcopywriting.com.

Disclaimer: While I am a consultant writing on behalf of BrightPath Behavior, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at BrightPath Behavior.

Note: The information provided in this article is for general guidance and does not replace professional advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.

Warning: Not Having a Summer Schedule May Create Extra Stress (but it’s not too late to make one!)

/in /by

A Parent’s Perspective: 5 Lessons I Learned About Creating a Plan for the Summer

Last summer, I hoped for chill vibes. I did very little scheduling of playdates, camps, or additional therapies. I thought we would take things as they came and try to be more easygoing and spontaneous. But instead of feeling more rested and relaxed, I realized we were WAY more stressed out. We are the type of family that actually thrives on routine.

Not everyone likes to plan or is naturally inclined to do so. But I’m willing to bet that whatever your personality type—from free-spirited to a penciled-in planner—your child with autism needs to know what to expect.

Our kids like routine, repetition, and an overall understanding of what will happen next. Predictability makes them feel safe. I get that. Some of us adults need that, too {Ahem!}. When school lets out, our kids have wide-open schedules. Everything that has been part of their lives for the last nine months is gone. Even if we must continue working through the summer, they still need things to do to fill their days. And it’s up to you to plan it.

Don’t worry. Making a plan that will work for you and your family doesn’t have to be hard. In this blog post, you’ll have five things to consider about how to spend your time this summer.

summer

Lesson One: Have a morning routine.

Start your day on the right foot by deciding on a morning ritual that works well for both you and your child. Whether it’s savoring a cup of coffee, working out, or indulging in some quiet reading time, identify activities that help you set a positive tone for the day ahead. Take note of your child’s morning preferences and routines, too. Do they enjoy breakfast, watching a favorite TV show, or engaging with a preferred toy? 

If you don’t have a morning routine and have never thought through good ways to start your day, here are some ideas for you:

  • Enjoying a cup of coffee or tea while reading the news
  • Going for a morning jog or walk
  • Practicing yoga or meditation
  • Listening to a favorite podcast or music playlist
  • Writing in a journal or practicing gratitude
  • Preparing a nutritious breakfast for the family
  • Taking a refreshing shower or bath
  • Doing a quick workout or stretching routine
  • Checking work emails or planning the day’s tasks
  • Having a quiet moment of reflection or prayer

Some ideas for your child, in no particular order: 

  • Eating breakfast
  • Watching cartoons
  • Going outside for a morning walk
  • Engaging in morning play or quiet activities
  • Singing songs or listening to music

When you are thinking through your ideal morning routine, consider your child’s waking patterns—do they wake up early or sleep in late—and how they transition into the day. 

We thrive on having a slow wake-up. During the school year, we rush to catch the bus. So, this summer, we will savor those slow mornings. After leisurely waking up, we take a walk. My son doesn’t love going outside, but by making it a daily routine, he is less resistant to it. We’re not out for long, just enough to get some fresh air before the sun gets too hot.

Once we’re back from our walk, I feel established for the day ahead.

Lesson Two: Enjoy summer foods

As part of your summer plan, why not make meals easy and enjoyable? Think fresh salads, grilling out, and dining out—summer food can be simple and delightful with this approach.

Summer is also a great time to encourage your child to try new foods. I know our autistic kids might be hesitant about new or novel food choices, but it can be a fun adventure if you’re up for it. Here are a couple of ideas:

  • Grocery Store Exploration: During your weekly grocery trips, let your child pick out a new food to try. This can make the experience more engaging and less intimidating. Plus, won’t it be fascinating to see what they select?
  • Farmer’s Market Fun: Visit a local farmer’s market and help your child learn about different fruits and vegetables. Start with a colorful fruit or vegetable—if they don’t want to eat it, they can play with it, and gradually work up to adding it into meals.

Adding a bit of novelty to meal planning can be enjoyable for us as well as our kids. Plus, it introduces variety and excitement to your summer meals.

That said, if you need to avoid fighting with your child about food this summer, consider taking the convenient approach. For instance, let them have their favorite food every day at lunchtime. You may want to consult with your child’s BCBA to determine if this fits with their overall goals and if it does, fully embrace the simplicity of knowing what’s for lunch every day. 

Lesson Three: Choose some weekly activities…but not too many

It’s easy to fill your summer with camps and other activities. While these can be fun and have their place (check out our blog post on planning for camp), attending a camp every day can be exhausting. Choosing a few weekly activities without over-committing leaves you with a nice balance of events for the summer. 

Here are some of the weekly activities we’ve found worked really well for us:

Swim lessons. 

Most kids love the water, and if you have access to a pool or lake during the summer, it’s worth investing in swim lessons. Even if they don’t like to swim, it is an important safety skill to learn. Many cities have adaptive swim lessons for kids with special needs. My son loves the water and we found a private lesson teacher who can give him one-on-one instruction. Having a weekly swim lesson is something he looks forward to, and it helps me to gauge his swimming skills and decide on additional pool trips throughout the week. Plus, swimming is not only fun but also tires kids out, making it a great weekly activity.

Library Trips.

Many local libraries have summer reading programs. These programs can be a great reason to visit the library, but you don’t have to be all-in on the competition. Read a few books, and earn a prize or two. We enjoy going to the library for the experience and bringing home books to read throughout the week. Library trips are a favorite, and they also give me a reason to sit down and read with my son during the season when he’s not in school. 

Quiet Times. 

After lunch, we take a quiet time to read and rest. It’s an excellent way to take a midday break around 1 or 2 o’clock. Sitting in a cool, dark room to read books from the library to take a short nap helps us recharge. Summer days are long, and for mom and dad to make it through to bedtime, an afternoon siesta for them can be very beneficial. 

Lesson Four: Prepare for going on vacation

Vacations can be unpredictable, which can be challenging for children with autism. While you can structure your time at home during the summer, planning a trip introduces new activities, environments, and foods, often without a clear order or schedule. Though vacations are meant to be fun, the spontaneity and differences can be overwhelming for some kids.

To ensure your trip goes smoothly, here are some tips:

  • Set Expectations – Talk about where you are going, how long you’ll be there, and what activities you’ll do. Setting these expectations can help alleviate some of your child’s anxieties.
  • Pack Wisely – Bring noise-canceling headphones if you expect a loud environment. If typical food options won’t be available, pack groceries or snacks your child likes. Don’t forget to include your child’s comfort items, like favorite toys or blankets, to help them feel secure.

By preparing in advance, you can help your child enjoy the vacation and make it a positive experience for the whole family. 

Lesson Five: Increase the frequency of therapy

Summertime is an excellent opportunity to increase therapy sessions or even enroll in an intensive program. With more time available, you can invest in your child’s development. Many centers offer programs focused on specific skill development, such as intensive physical therapy or handwriting camps. ABA therapy is also a fantastic option for the summer.

If your child is already in ABA, consider increasing their therapy hours. Meet with your child’s BCBA to set specific summer goals. Work on these goals both inside and outside of therapy sessions. 

You can also request to do ABA sessions out in the community. For example, we bring our ABA therapists to the grocery store to practice not stimming in the produce section. We also take them with us to the library, so I know how to handle unexpected behaviors in public.

If your child is struggling with something, use the summer to address it. Focus on one or two areas, rather than trying to tackle a long list. Make these areas your summer project, and involve a therapist to guide you along the way. ABA Connect is always available to help. 

Avoid Summer Stress with a Good Plan

Creating a summertime schedule may help your child maintain their sense of calm and regulation while also helping your overall well-being. Remember, not every second of their day needs to be planned out. Think through your schedule a bit, get some input from your child, and communicate your plans to them. This way, everyone will have clear expectations, and you can spend more time enjoying the summer rather than feeling stressed out and reactive.

You could wing it. But I propose you plan for it. A little preparation can go a long way in ensuring a smooth and enjoyable summer for everyone. 

So, what are your summer plans?

Please share your ideas in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you, and so would fellow parents of kids with autism. If you found this post helpful, please feel free to like, share, and follow us for more insightful content on autism and ABA therapy.

If a positive, play-based approach to ABA appeals to you, we invite you to reach out to ABA Connect. The friendly team at ABA Connect is always ready to help answer your questions.

Please keep in mind that while I am a consultant writing on behalf of ABA Connect, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at ABA Connect.

Things to be Thankful for with Autism {+ a FREE printable}

/in , /by

A Parent’s Perspective: The awesome things about autism I’m most grateful for this Thanksgiving

November is a season of thanksgiving and gratitude. If we’re honest, thankfulness is not typically our first response when parenting a child with autism. It takes intentionality to see the good and the beautiful in the midst of the hard, messy disruptions autism brings into our lives.

It’s all too easy to focus on the meltdowns and frustrations, the communication barriers, the lack of friendships, and the deep grief of a life that is different from what we planned.

Autism is a unique journey that brings both challenges and joy. 

This holiday season, I want to challenge you to look for the many gifts autism brings. Sometimes, we notice these gifts in broad generalities of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), but more often, they show up in the specific lives and personalities of our loved ones living with autism. 

In this blog post, I suggest some of the incredible things to be thankful for when it comes to autism. ABA Connect also offers a FREE Printable, 7 Awesome Things About Individuals with Autism.

As parents and caregivers, we can choose to celebrate the goodness right in front of us. So, let’s dive in and discover and rediscover the beauty within the spectrum.

thankful for autism

Being thankful for the awesome parts of autism

Although each individual with autism is unique, some generalities may resonate with you. As you read, note your gratitude for some of these incredible ASD-related traits. 

Thankful for the unique perspectives of children with autism

Children with autism have a remarkable way of seeing the world. They often have a unique perspective that can offer fresh insights and a different way of approaching life. Their attention to detail and ability to focus intensely on specific interests can lead to incredible strengths in mathematics, music, art, or science. Embracing and nurturing these strengths can open up a world of opportunities. 

If your child’s interest is more niche and less applicable to everyday life, try not to be discouraged. Each individual’s particular interests contribute to making them a wonderfully unique and interesting person. That’s something to be thankful for and appreciate! 

Thankful for the unconditional love and authentic connections of children with autism 

One of the most beautiful things about autism is the capacity for unconditional love and authentic connections. Children with autism often display a genuine and pure form of love, devoid of judgment or societal expectations. Their love is unconditional, accepting others for who they truly are. 

In the same way that our children love us unconditionally, by nature of who they are, they teach us to love fully and completely with no conditions in return. They teach us the value of acceptance. This unconditional acceptance is one of the things that I’m most thankful for in my relationship with my son. Living with the reality of unconditional love for my son day in and day out has completely changed my perspective on what it means to be loved and accepted for who you are, not based on what you do. 

Thankful for the beauty of celebrating small victories

In the world of autism, small victories are a BIG deal. No matter how seemingly small, each milestone achieved is a cause for thankfulness and celebration. From learning a new word to mastering a self-help skill, these achievements remind us of our children’s progress and their determination. By recognizing and celebrating these successes, we cultivate a sense of gratitude and motivation to continue supporting their growth.

Each of our children is different. What some will accomplish, others won’t. So, instead of stretching for goals beyond what our kids can do right now. We can acknowledge and celebrate their gains, however incremental, in the moment. Sometimes, it helps when others can reflect these achievements back to us because we live them daily. 

Thankful for the ever-expanding ability for empathy and compassion

Living with autism provides a unique opportunity to expand our empathy and compassion. As we navigate the challenges and triumphs alongside our children, we develop a deep understanding of their experiences and challenges. This heightened empathy not only impacts our relationship with our child with autism but also extends to the way we interact with others. We become more compassionate and understanding towards all individuals, fostering a more inclusive and accepting community. 

Thankful for a supportive community

The autism community is a vibrant and supportive network of individuals who understand and empathize with our journey. We can connect with other parents and caregivers who share similar experiences through support groups, online forums, and local organizations. 

ABA Connect offers community, too. Whether it be through the therapists who provide care to your child or the fellow parents you meet at the clinic, you know that you are not walking this journey alone. 

Having a community that provides a safe space for sharing stories, seeking advice, and finding solace is something to be thankful for to be sure. 

Embracing the Journey

Raising a child with autism requires immense strength and resilience. Our challenges as parents and caregivers can sometimes be overwhelming, but they also allow us to grow. Through the highs and lows of this journey, we learn to adapt, persevere, and discover strengths we never knew we had. That’s something I’m also grateful for!

By embracing the positive aspects of autism and focusing on gratitude, we can navigate this journey with hope, love, and appreciation for the incredible individuals our children are becoming.

If you need a reminder to post on your fridge or bathroom mirror. Please print this handout, 7 Awesome Things About Autism, available for free!

Let’s celebrate the beauty within the spectrum and be thankful for the extraordinary gifts that autism brings into our lives!

Let us know what you are grateful for this year. If you have any questions or comments about ABA therapy, please leave them below. The team at ABA Connect is happy to help answer your questions. 

If you found this post helpful, please like, share, and follow for more content on autism or ABA therapy.

If you are interested in a positive, play-based approach to ABA, contact ABA Connect.

Please note that while I am a consultant writing on behalf of ABA Connect, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. I aim to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences as well as interviews conducted with the staff at ABA Connect.

References

https://www.altogetherautism.org.nz/strengths-and-abilities-in-autism/

https://autismawarenesscentre.com/the-positives-of-autism/

https://www.crossrivertherapy.com/autism/strengths-and-abilities-in-autism

 

Stress Reduction for Parents of Children with ASD

/in , , /by

Your well-being as a parent of a child with ASD is critical to your child’s functioning. I have listed some simple stress reduction strategies to help improve your emotional well-being as a parent of a child with ASD.

Social Support

Connecting with friends, family and others in the ASD community is a simple stress reduction activity. When you connect with others, it reduces loneliness and helps you feel supported. If you connect with other parents in the ASD community it can allow you to share triumphs as well as discuss challenges with others who have shared experiences. For social support within the ASD community, check out ABA Connect’s Facebook page and the Autism Society of Central Texas Calendar. Both of these sites are updated regularly and are full of events just for you!  Also, reference our Resources page to find organizations who design programs for persons with ASD and their families.

Schedule Time To Be “Mindful”

Take some time each day to focus on the present through a practice called mindfulness. Resist the urge to think about your child’s therapies, what’s for dinner, or anything else competing for your attention. Take some time, even if it is 10 minutes, just for you. Sit with your thoughts without judging them and focus on your surroundings, feelings, and any sensations you may feel without trying to change them. Mindfulness can include meditation or it can just be a specific focus on what you are doing in the moment. To learn more about mindfulness and how it promotes well-being and reduces stress, see the University of Berkeley Greater Good Science Center website. 

Delight In Your Child

Parent optimism has been associated with stress reduction, better parenting, and positive well-being. That does not mean parents walk around with rose-colored glasses. But, an increased focus on your child’s positive qualities and strengths can increase hope and optimism. Think of a cute thing your child did, a tender touch, or anything your child does that makes your heart melt. Reflect on those moments to boost your mood. If these moments do not readily come to mind, start today by looking out for things that make you smile about your child. One mother did this through an Autism Speaks blog that outlines five of her child’s personal gifts.

Foster Gratitude

Research in positive psychology shows that regular gratitude can improve happiness and life satisfaction. One way to do this is to write down three things that went well during the day before going to bed. You may start by doing this for just a week or you may try practicing it consistently. Once you develop the well-being habit of noticing the small things that go well during your day, it can increase positive feelings and decrease stress.

Ask For Help When Needed

Know if you are experiencing “caregiver fatigue.”  Caregiver fatigue can interfere with your ability to enjoy your child and engage in positive interactions.  Respite care for your child or help from family and friends can decrease stress and enhance caregiver well-being. If you feel you need additional help, consider joining a parent group led by someone experienced in children with developmental disabilities or consider individual therapy. HelpGuide.org offers good information about the signs of caregiver burnout and caregiver fatigue.

If you feel you need professional assistance, consider contacting our separate, but affiliated practice, ApaCenter. ApaCenter offers therapy and consultations for individuals, parents, and couples who want to improve their emotional and relational well-being.

What’s the "Right" Amount of Discipline?

/in /by

As I posted in my previous blog, I’m not a big fan of “disciplining” children. By “discipline,” I mean the use of various  rewards & punishments to get our kids to increase or decrease certain behaviors. For most folks, I think that “disciplining” children is focused on punitive measures (e.g., grounding, restrictions, taking away TV, toys, video games). I am not a believer in the use of corporal punishment with children. I know this can be controversial subject, so perhaps I’ll reserve that for a separate blog!

For the purposes of this blog, I’m also focusing “rewards” in terms of different types of incentives (e.g,. stickers, money, candy, toys, and privileges such as video game time). Praise can be a wonderful reinforcer, and we definitely should use praise, attention, recognition, (and verbal corrections) within the context of a strong relationship to help our kids “behave.” This blog is about the other types of “discipline” though.

Parenting shouldn’t mainly be about dangling (metaphorical) carrots and waving (metaphorical) sticks to get our children to do what we think they should be doing. I believe that if, as I detailed in the aforementioned blog, we invest in building strong relationships with our children, they will naturally be more inclined to listen to us and follow our directions. This, of course, doesn’t mean they always will, it just increases the odds. Now for a few caveats:

  1. I’m NOT saying that we don’t ever need to use various types of rewards and punishments with our children.
  2. I’m not talking about corporal punishment – I don’t advocate its use. Technically, according to principles of operant conditioning, a punishment is the introduction of stimulus or a change in the environment in response to a behavior with the goal of decreasing that particular behavior. The behavior is the target, NOT the child. I just want to ensure that the term punishment is not equated with physical punishment. The term is much more broad than that.
  3. For children on the autism spectrum, a systemic approach to behavior intervention called Applied Behavior Analysis or “ABA” is very effective. The earlier the intervention, the more positive the results are likely to be. However, ABA is a very systematic approach to behavior analysis and modification…or the “shaping” of desired behaviors. It’s not the type of discipline I’m talking about in this blog.
A Powerful Tip on How to Discipline

Okay, this might strike you as rather obvious but, in my twenty years of practice, I’ve seen parents make this mistake so many times that I believe it is worth a blog. I’ve always liked the expression that don’t use a frying pan to kill a fly when you can use a fly swatter. When using various rewards (more technically, these are referred to as reinforcements) and punishments, parents should use the least amount necessary to get the desired result. 

Here’s how this principle looks in practice. Let’s say that you have two kiddos, and that you’ve established a rule that they will lose video game time if they are aggressive with one another or peers/friends. Let’s say Johnny gets upset with Timmy and pushes him hard to the ground and hurts Timmy. How much video game time should Johnny lose? Well, if taking it away for a day will likely change his behavior, then only take the video games away for one day. Why take it away for a week? What purpose does that serve?

Other Considerations When Using Reinforcement and Punishment
  1. If we take a privilege away for an extended period, then we can’t use the withdrawal of that privilege until the punishment period ends. Taking away video games or, for teens, cell phones, for a period of time can be a powerful motivator for behavior change. But if we take away the cell phone from a teen for a month, then we can’t take it away as a consequence again for any other type of behavior problem for that an entire month!
  2. If we give a very big reward to reinforce a desired behavior (e.g., a big slumber/pizza party with friends for good grades), then this sets the bar very high. So, such big rewards can backfire in that trying to reward other behaviors might pale in comparison to the previously obtained reward: “I don’t want stickers! Let’s go to Chuck E. Cheese like last time!”
  3. If reward behaviors that are already intrinsically motivating, then the child might lose motivation to engage in the behavior on their own. For instance, if you pay your child to practice piano, it is likely that she will enjoy it less than she used to and is less likely to practice/play on her own without the incentive of money as a reward being offered.

Reinforcements in the form of tangible rewards and punishments have their place in parenting but, overall, it is best to focus on the relationship. A strong relationship with our children is the real key to successful parenting. It is through this relationship that we can use praise and redirection to help encourage desired behavior and discourage undesired behavior. But when we do need to use more tangible rewards and punishments, keep in mind the principle that we should use the least amount necessary to get the desired result.

You might be interested in Dr. Brooks’ second post on this topic: A Powerful Strategy to Improve Behavior Problems.

Investing in Our Relationships With Our Children

/in /by

Being a parent can be so rewarding. At times, we can achieve transcendence. Remember those first smiles, those first words? That big hug to greet you when you get home from work after a long day? Building a sandcastle at the beach? Ah, life doesn’t get any better than these moments! And then…there are those other times. You know, when they are whining about everything (or so it seems), they won’t do their homework, the siblings are fighting incessantly…and so on. Such times can be so frustrating that, if we aren’t careful, we can lose our marbles.

As parents, we want to guide our children to grow to be happy, productive, and, if you are like most people, financially independent of us! Now, there are a lot of different ideas out there (and countless books) on parenting, raising “successful” children, etc. What’s the “right” way to do this?

Now, I do want to qualify this suggestion by first stating that, if your child is on the autism spectrum, this advice is not likely to work very effectively because of the very nature of autism. You will see what I mean as you read below. We will have plenty of other posts in the future regarding help for parents whose children are on the autism spectrum, I promise.

The “Infrastructure” to Successful Parenting

The suggestion that I have for successful parenting that comes from Dr. William Glasser’s work, particularly For Parents and Teenagers, as well as many other readings, my training as a psychologist, my work with hundreds of clients over the years, as well as my own personal experiences as a father of 3 boys.

The parenting suggestion that I have doesn’t have anything do with meticulously crafting the perfect sticker chart or reinforcement contingency for your kids. Nor does it have to do with the best way to punish misbehavior. I’m not a big fan of using rewards and punishments with kids and teens, although there is a place for them. Importantly, with what I’m suggesting, rewards and punishments won’t be needed near as frequently…and will likely be more effective when you do use them.

The key to successful parenting, in my opinion, is the relationship. As humans, we are inherently social creatures. Most of our happiness in life comes through and from our social relationships (by some estimates, around 70%). We can reflect on our own lives to see the truth of how important relationships are to our happiness. When have your best times in life been? Most likely, these have been when you were doing something fun and engaging with close friends, family, or your significant other. How about the worst times? Those usually have to do with conflict in relationships, loss of a relationship, or when we are feeling alienated, isolated, or ostracized.

Importantly, because on some level we all realize that our own happiness is nested within our relationships, we have a natural tendency to try to preserve need-satisfying relationships.

We all want to influence our children – for them to listen to our guidance, respect the limits that we set, and comply with our requests. However, if our relationship with our kids merely consists of trying to get them to comply with our requests and follow our rules, well, we don’t have much of a relationship.

Our Leverage of Influence

In essence, when a parent-child relationship is conflictual (or detached), then children don’t stand to “lose out” on the positives of a close relationship should they be oppositional or give push-back. Yes, coercive tactics might temporarily get a child to do what we want – but at what cost? And, perhaps more importantly, how will the child behave without the looming threat of punishment present? How do children learn to make healthy, judicious choices in life if we never give them those choices to begin with – that they are effectively coerced into doing what we think is “best” for them? I’ve watched what happens when some of these kids finally move out of the house and go off to college – not a pretty sight!

Investing in the Relationship

Again, rewards and punishments do have their place in parenting. But we should use them sparingly and only when needed. What I’m proposing is that as parents, we mindfully invest in the relationship with our children. This is actually the fun part of being a parent! This isn’t a form of trickery or manipulation. Remember, our own happiness as well as the happiness of our children resides within the relationship. So, we should be sure engage in fun, connecting activities with our children on a regular basis. Such as:

  • Going on hikes
  • Going fishing
  • Flying kites
  • Throwing the football
  • Seeing plays/musicals
  • Camping
  • Playing board/video games together
  • Building Lego sets
  • Eating dinner together as a family

I realize this can be challenging and kids sometimes say “no” to our offers (especially teens!), but at least they see we are trying. We can only open the door, they have to walk through it. When we are spending quality time with our kids, it is a good time to keep that time “sacred.” We shouldn’t use it as an opportunity to remind them about homework, how they can do better in school, what chores they still need to do, etc. If we start doing that, our kids will start avoiding the “quality” time because they won’t view it as that!

So, we always need to be investing in our relationships with our children. Then we can have more of the type of influence that we want to have on them. And, when we do need to correct their behavior, they are more likely to listen and comply because they truly care and want to keep the positive connection with us in good standing. There are no guarantees in life (except for death & taxes, right?), but I think we can’t really go wrong for trying to actively strengthen our relationships with our kids. Because our happiness is connected with theirs, it’s a win-win.