Tag Archive for: behavior

life post-holidays

How to Support Kids with Autism Through Holiday Letdown

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Parent Perspective: Navigating Life Post-Holidays

The holidays are a lot. For autism parents, December is filled with constant planning and preparation in hopes that our children can navigate every holiday party, gift exchange, and Christmas pageant with ease. We take steps to ensure our kids don’t experience sensory overload or consume too much sugar, while in the midst of it all, we want to savor the joy and magic ourselves.

Seeing the holidays through our children’s eyes—the wonder of visiting Santa or the delight of opening another favorite gift—is a tremendous blessing to us as parents. Yet, as magical and stressful as the season can be, there’s a shared sense of sadness once it’s over. Another season has passed, and we’re faced with the transition back to the routines of daily life with autism. 

life post-holidays

While our kids often thrive on routine—even back to familiar schedules—it can still be challenging. That sense of holiday letdown is real, for both parents and kids. To help you and your child adjust to life post-holidays, here are some practical strategies for easing into 2025 with confidence and peace. 

Reestablish routines gradually.

If you can take a couple of days to transition back to your routine, the adjustment will likely go much more smoothly. Small, gradual changes can make a big difference. 

  • Purge the holiday treats: Clear out leftover holiday sweets and reintroduce healthier options your child will enjoy. 
  • Ease back into therapy: Schedule therapy sessions before school starts again if possible. Ask your child’s therapists to include time to pair with your child and process their holiday experiences. 
  • Shift wake-up times: If your child has been sleeping during break, start waking them up earlier, inching closer to their regular schedule. 
  • Adjust bedtimes: Begin putting your child to bed closer to their typical school night routine. 

I know these changes are hard to make as a parent. I often have the best intentions of putting my son to bed early, but when we’re cuddling on the couch at the end of the day, I don’t want to interrupt a sweet moment of connection. To be completely honest, I also don’t want to deal with a possible meltdown over going to bed. 

If you need additional support with transitions, consider using a visual calendar or social story to help your child envision the return to their daily routine. These can set clear expectations for what’s ahead and help ease anxiety about upcoming changes. 

Plan for downtime.

Before they return to school.

The holiday hustle can be both joyful and overstimulating. After things have quieted down, plan some intentional downtime to help your child decompress. Give them opportunities to spend extended periods of time at home, where they feel most safe and loved. During this free, unstructured time, encourage them to:

  • Play with the new toys they received over the holidays.
  • Rewatch their favorite Christmas movies. 
  • Use sensory tools to help them reregulate, such as swings, crash pads, and stim toys.

After they return to school.

Once your child returns to school, avoid filling your evenings with too many activities. Overscheduling them, whether therapy sessions, extracurriculars, or even errands make challenging behaviors more apt to occur. The transition back to school and therapy often places increased demands on your child, and they may need more time to adjust. Allow them the space to unwind in their familiar environment where they can decompress after a busy day. 

Create a soothing environment at home. I find making home cozy and inviting in the winter months, helps our whole family, especially my autistic son. Once the Christmas tree comes down things can feel barren and depressing, but you can still have a fire in the fireplace, keep the lights low, cover yourselves in weighted blankets, and play soft music signaling to your child that it’s time to slow down. 

Reminisce about the holiday highlights

It’s important for kids with autism to have outlets to process and express their feelings about big events, same as all of us. Whether your child is speaking or uses an AAC device, create opportunties of them to talk about the holidays. 

For example, after significant events in our family, we add special memories to my son’s AAC device under a page called “Life Events.” This allows him to revisit moments like attending summer camp, dressing up for Halloween, or spending time with cousins and grandparents during Christmas in another state. By doing this, we gain insight into what’s important to him and better prepare him for future trips and events. 

Here are some questions to help guide your conversations: 

  • People they saw: Who did you spend time with? Grandparents, cousins, friends? 
  • Special events: What activities did you enjoy the most? Baking cookies, visiting Santa, opening gifts?
  • Feelings: How do you feel now that the holidays are over? Happy, sad, relieved? 

It’s okay if your child is repetitive or hyperfocused on one thing in particular. As they process their experience they may begin to perseverate, but remember how important it is to give them a way to talk about what they loved, or hated, about this time of year. 

Plan something to look forward to

Transitions are easier when there’s something exciting to look forward to. While returning to routines can feel bittersweet, creating new events or goals can help both you and your child shift focus to what’s ahead.

Here are some ways to anticipate new things in the coming year:

  • Mark it on your calendar: Visually highlight upcoming events your child might enjoy like Valentine’s Day or a fun family outing.
  • Start a new tradition: January can feel like a dull month, but you can make it special. For instance, plan a “Winter Fun Day” where you play in the snow or enjoy a cup of hot chocolate together. 
  • Set small goals: Write down a few achievable goals for 2025, such as learning a new skill or earning a reward for completing daily tasks. Post these in a visible spot, like the kitchen, to remind your child of what they’re working toward.

If you’re unsure of what to look forward to, ask your child’s ABA clinician for suggestions. They may have creative ideas for incorporating fun, motivating activities into therapy sessions. The new year is a great time to introduce new approaches to help your child reach their goals while keeping them engaged and excited. 

A fresh start for the new year

As hard as the holidays are, it’s also hard to face when they are finished. I have mixed feelings about going back to real life after wearing PJs till noon, shopping sales, and going out to the movies. For kids with autism, the adjustment can feel especially challenging and may bring out some problematic behaviors. With patience, preparation, and a little creative redirection, you can help your child ease into 2025 with hope. As you guide them, don’t forget to celebrate the small victories along the way—both theirs and yours. It may not be exactly how you envisioned but it can still be good. 

Here’s to a fresh start and a happy new year for you and your family! 

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Kathy McClelland is a freelance copywriter and marketer for pediatric healthcare and special education brands from Austin, Texas. Before becoming a mom, her work included promoting medical journals and online publications for the American Academy of Pediatrics and parenting books for Tyndale House Publishers. When her second son was born with a rare genetic condition, she was thrust into the world of special needs parenting. Her website is kathymcopywriting.com.

Disclaimer: While I am a consultant writing on behalf of BrightPath Behavior, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at BrightPath Behavior.

Note: The information provided in this article is for general guidance and does not replace professional advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.

Photo used with permission by the blog author.

santa trauma

Make A Plan to Avoid Santa Trauma

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Santa Trauma

The holidays can be a difficult time for children with autism spectrum disorder. Difficulties can arise from changes in schedules, blinking lights, shiny objects, crowds, or the man with a hairy face that only comes once a year in a big red suit and loudly proclaims, “Ho Ho Ho.” Santa Claus can be intimidating for any child. As a parent of a child with autism, make a plan to avoid Santa trauma.

santa trauma

Santa trauma is not a “clinical” term. That is, Santa trauma is not a diagnosis. But, many of us have seen children cry, reach out for their parents in terror, or look petrified as they sit in Santa’s lap to take a picture. We have also seen stressed adults escorting children to sit in Santa’s lap despite the child’s apparent fear.

I define Santa trauma as significant emotional or behavioral reactions that happen when children (or adults) encounter Santa Claus. Santa trauma can happen while waiting in a line to sit in Santa’s lap, walking by Santa at the mall, seeing Santa on TV, or actually being forced to sit in Santa’s lap to take a picture. You or your child can experience Santa trauma. You may no longer have your child sit in Santa’s lap because the last time you tried it, your child had a meltdown and you are traumatized as a result. On the other hand, you may have wanted your child to have a big smile in a picture with Santa and he showed no reaction. Consider how to make a plan to avoid Santa trauma.

Santa Trauma From The Sensory or Social Experience

A child with autism spectrum disorder may have an intense response to Santa or he may look away because he has no social interest in Santa. Santa Claus provides a unique sensory and social experience because he only comes around once a year. Santa trauma can be triggered by Santa’s novelty or sensory overload from Santa’s big red textured suit, white furry beard, his big black boots and belt buckle, or his hearty “Ho Ho Ho.”

Make A Plan To Avoid Santa Trauma

You may need to make a carefully thought out plan to avoid Santa trauma. You know your child best. Think about how you can avoid or address a potential meltdown from a Santa encounter. Here are some tips if you do plan to introduce your child to Santa in person.

  • First, introduce your child to Santa in pictures, books, cartoons, stuffed animals, videos, or from a distance.
  • Talk about Santa in a way that is consistent with your family’s values.
  • Consider a sensory-friendly version of Santa through events for children with special needs.
  • Praise your child for any Santa approach such as looking at, going near, saying or approximating the word “Santa.”
  • Have a family member dress up as Santa for a controlled introduction in a familiar environment.
  • If you go to an event to take a picture, check your child’s reaction to Santa from a distance and the wait time before standing in line.
  • Make sure your child is well-rested and fed before the initial encounter with Santa in public. Have their favorite items readily available.
  • Do not force your child to sit in Santa’s lap if he is afraid or is on the verge of a meltdown.
  • Consider modeling a high-five or a fist bump if sitting in Santa’s lap is too frightening.
  • Be ready to leave the event if your child is upset by Santa, then do something you know calms your child.
  • Don’t feel pressured to visit or introduce Santa if you feel your child is not ready.

Make a plan to avoid Santa trauma. It does not have to happen to you or your child during this holiday season.

relationships with our children

Investing in Our Relationships With Our Children with Autism

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Being a parent can be so rewarding. At times, we can achieve transcendence. Remember those first smiles, those first words? That big hug to greet you when you get home from work after a long day? Building a sandcastle at the beach? Ah, life doesn’t get any better than these moments! And then…there are those other times. You know, when they are whining about everything (or so it seems), they won’t do their homework, the siblings are fighting incessantly…and so on. Such times can be so frustrating that, if we aren’t careful, we can lose our marbles.

As parents, we want to guide our children to grow to be happy, productive, and, if you are like most people, financially independent of us! Now, there are a lot of different ideas out there (and countless books) on parenting, raising “successful” children, etc. What’s the “right” way to do this?

Now, I do want to qualify this suggestion by first stating that, if your child is on the autism spectrum, this advice is not likely to work very effectively because of the very nature of autism. You will see what I mean as you read below. We will have plenty of other posts in the future regarding help for parents whose children are on the autism spectrum, I promise.

relationships with our children

The “Infrastructure” to Successful Parenting

The suggestion that I have for successful parenting that comes from Dr. William Glasser’s work, particularly For Parents and Teenagers, as well as many other readings, my training as a psychologist, my work with hundreds of clients over the years, as well as my own personal experiences as a father of 3 boys.

The parenting suggestion that I have doesn’t have anything do with meticulously crafting the perfect sticker chart or reinforcement contingency for your kids. Nor does it have to do with the best way to punish misbehavior. I’m not a big fan of using rewards and punishments with kids and teens, although there is a place for them. Importantly, with what I’m suggesting, rewards and punishments won’t be needed near as frequently…and will likely be more effective when you do use them.

The key to successful parenting, in my opinion, is the relationship. As humans, we are inherently social creatures. Most of our happiness in life comes through and from our social relationships (by some estimates, around 70%). We can reflect on our own lives to see the truth of how important relationships are to our happiness. When have your best times in life been? Most likely, these have been when you were doing something fun and engaging with close friends, family, or your significant other. How about the worst times? Those usually have to do with conflict in relationships, loss of a relationship, or when we are feeling alienated, isolated, or ostracized.

Importantly, because on some level, we all realize that our own happiness is nested within our relationships, we have a natural tendency to try to preserve need-satisfying relationships.

We all want to influence our children – for them to listen to our guidance, respect the limits that we set, and comply with our requests. However, if our relationship with our kids merely consists of trying to get them to comply with our requests and follow our rules, well, we don’t have much of a relationship.

Our Leverage of Influence

In essence, when a parent-child relationship is conflictual (or detached), then children don’t stand to “lose out” on the positives of a close relationship should they be oppositional or give push-back. Yes, coercive tactics might temporarily get a child to do what we want – but at what cost? And, perhaps more importantly, how will the child behave without the looming threat of punishment present? How do children learn to make healthy, judicious choices in life if we never give them those choices to begin with – that they are effectively coerced into doing what we think is “best” for them? I’ve watched what happens when some of these kids finally move out of the house and go off to college – not a pretty sight!

Investing in Relationships with Our Children

Again, rewards and punishments do have their place in parenting. But we should use them sparingly and only when needed. What I’m proposing is that as parents, we mindfully invest in the relationship with our children. This is actually the fun part of being a parent! This isn’t a form of trickery or manipulation. Remember, our own happiness as well as the happiness of our children resides within the relationship. So, we should be sure engage in fun, connecting activities with our children on a regular basis. Such as:

  • Going on hikes
  • Going fishing
  • Flying kites
  • Throwing the football
  • Seeing plays/musicals
  • Camping
  • Playing board/video games together
  • Building Lego sets
  • Eating dinner together as a family

I realize this can be challenging and kids sometimes say “no” to our offers (especially teens!), but at least they see we are trying. We can only open the door, they have to walk through it. When we are spending quality time with our kids, it is a good time to keep that time “sacred.” We shouldn’t use it as an opportunity to remind them about homework, how they can do better in school, what chores they still need to do, etc. If we start doing that, our kids will start avoiding the “quality” time because they won’t view it as that!

So, we always need to be investing in our relationships with our children. Then we can have more of the type of influence that we want to have on them. And, when we do need to correct their behavior, they are more likely to listen and comply because they truly care and want to keep the positive connection with us in good standing. There are no guarantees in life (except for death & taxes, right?), but I think we can’t really go wrong for trying to actively strengthen our relationships with our kids. Because our happiness is connected with theirs, it’s a win-win.