How to Prevent Meltdowns from Keeping You Home

Tired of judgmental stares when you’re out in public? 

We’ve all been there. The grocery store check-out, the dressing room, the doctor’s office waiting room, or the school drop-off line. Your child suddenly becomes overwhelmed and has a full-on meltdown. 

I recently took my child for a routine blood draw. I could tell he was anxious when he switched from happily spinning a favorite toy to rocking back and forth in his stroller in the lobby. The rocking grew more intense as we entered the elevator. One of the people riding with us tried to engage him in conversation, with little success. As we stepped off, she said to me, “Good luck to you.” She knew I was in for a challenge. Fortunately, once we arrived at the clinic, I was able to calm my son with an iPad. He watched throughout the entire procedure and did great. We escaped a meltdown. 

But it hasn’t always gone that way. When your autistic child begins to spiral into distress, your adrenaline goes up as you try to calm your child down. And while you focus on calming your child, you can’t help but feel the eyes of onlookers or the awkward attempts of well-meaning strangers who don’t know how to help. It’s an uncomfortable situation for everyone.

After a public meltdown, you may swear you’ll never allow it to happen again. But avoiding them is hard, unless you know the triggers. This post will give you a few practical tips to help you notice the early “rumblings” before a meltdown begins and how to manage it once it does. Autism shouldn’t keep your family at home. 

 

Be On the Lookout for Any Known or New Triggers

You know your child best, including the things that can set them off. Being keenly aware of the signs that they may be in distress is essential. This “rumbling” stage of a meltdown may include self-soothing behaviors like rocking, head rolling, thumb sucking, or biting. These behaviors may signal that your child is feeling anxious. 

Give your child a chance to communicate what they’re experiencing. If they are non-speaking, use AAC, sign language, or any communication method that works for them. Ask what they need to feel calmer and then respond right away, whether that means meeting their need directly or distracting them from the distressing thing. Sometimes, gentle redirection can ease anxious feelings before they escalate. 

You can also be proactive to avoid unintentionally triggering a meltdown. For example, avoid giving your child sugar or caffeine before outings or situations you expect to be stressful, as these can increase the likelihood of a meltdown. 

Have a Sensory Toolkit on Hand

Your child’s sensory needs can change depending on the state of their nervous system. Sometimes, they may know exactly what they need and seek it out for themselves. Other times, you may need to help guide or support their regulation. 

That’s why it’s always a good idea to keep a sensory toolkit—a bag of sensory toys—with you. Fill it with items you know your child finds calming or comforting. These familiar tools can help them regulate before, during, or after a meltdown. Even if they don’t work immediately, just having something familiar available can provide comfort and help your child feel more grounded in a public setting. 

Sensory Toolkit Ideas

• • Comfort items: favorite stuffed animal, toy, or blanket
  • Noise-canceling headphones or earplugs
  • Chewlry (chewable jewelry) or other oral sensory tools
  • Weighted vest or lap pad
  • Fidget toys: spinners, cubes, squishy balls, pop-its
  • Sensory brushes or textured items to touch
  • Compression clothing
  • Calming visuals: bubble timer, glitter jar
  • Preferred snacks, especially crunchy or chewy foods for oral input
  • Water bottle with a straw, as sucking can be calming
  • Sunglasses or a hat to reduce bright light or the sun

Use Positive Reinforcement

Verbal praise should flow freely when your child is doing well. When they’re engaging appropriately, feeling happy, or interacting with others, make sure to tell them. By consistently encouraging the positive things they are doing—and pointing out what it looks like when they are calm and engaged—you’re building a foundation for your child to recognize and understand their own positive baseline. 

Children often sense when they’re dysregulated, which is why they begin acting out. Although your child may not always be able to prevent a meltdown, ABA strategies can help. Your child’s BCBA can equip you with tools so that you feel empowered and confident in guiding your child through those challenging moments. 

Positive Reinforcement Ideas

• • Verbal praise such as, “I love how calm your body looks right now!”
  • Playful interactions like silly voices, tickles, peek-a-boo, or an inside joke
  • Preferred toys
  • Screens (in moderation)
  • Music that is calming or a favorite upbeat song
  • Movement breaks like spinning, swinging, or dancing
  • Physical affection, such as hugs and high-fives

Create a Calming Routine When Going in Public

Routines give kids a sense of predictability. Let’s be honest, they help parents, too. Having a consistent process before leaving the house can reduce stress and set everyone up for success.

For example, you might post a visual schedule by the back door that lists each step before leaving: go to the bathroom, wash hands, put on shoes, turn off lights, grab backpack, and get in the car. 

While it may not be practical to create a visual schedule for every possible outing, social stories can be beneficial. Consider making one for the places you visit most often, like the grocery store, pharmacy, school, church, or restaurants. Preparing your child with a clear story of what to expect can help minimize anxiety and prevent meltdowns. 

Try to Stay Calm 

Our kids are like little sponges. They absorb our emotions, whether positive or negative. If you can remain calm and at ease, not only when taking your child out of their typical environment, but also when things start to unravel, it can help your child regulate, too. 

Ideas for Staying Calm

• • Take deep breaths
  • Slow down your speech and movements
  • Make eye contact with your child

It Is Possible to Get Through Public Meltdowns Successfully

The other day, while we were out running errands, my son suddenly grabbed my hair and pulled me in close so he could look directly in my eyes. He was scared. Even though I knew he was safe, he didn’t feel that way. 

When he grabs my hair, it can be difficult to break free. But if I remain calm, give a clear direction—”let go of my hair”—and firmly press down on he top of his hand, he eventually releases. Not showing my fear or anxiety as much as possible is helpful to him, too. Honestly, I think he can “smell” fear. The calmer and peaceful I remain in a stimulating situation, the more likely he is to mirror my emotions, especially if I am proximally close to him. Once he lets go, whether it’s of my hair, shirt, or arm, and I know his reaction isn’t escalating, I immediately reinforce the positive behavior with praise. 

You will get through the meltdown, even if it costs you some public humiliation. It is not easy to take our kids places, but it’s worth it. If you’re struggling in this area, talk with your child’s BCBA about setting a goal to practice small, manageable trips out in public. Over time, those little steps can make a big difference. 

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Kathy McClelland is a freelance copywriter and marketer specializing in pediatric healthcare and special education brands based in Austin, Texas. Before becoming a mom, her work included promoting medical journals and online publications for the American Academy of Pediatrics, as well as parenting books for Tyndale House Publishers. When her second son was born with a rare genetic condition, she was thrust into the world of special needs parenting. Her website is kathymcopywriting.com.

Disclaimer: While I am a consultant writing on behalf of BrightPath Behavior, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at BrightPath Behavior.

Note: The information provided in this article is for general guidance and does not replace professional advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.