Redshirting – Should You Delay Kindergarten?

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This week thousands of 5-year-old children in the U.S. and in the Austin area will be getting onto school buses to head toward their first day of kindergarten. But, there is a growing group of 5-year-olds that will not be getting on the bus; but will instead be staying in preschool for another year. It’s a dilemma many parents of young children face, particularly parents of children who are on the edges of school age cut-offs: “Should I hold my child back for an extra year?”

What is Redshirting?
Delaying a child’s entrance into kindergarten – often called redshirting after the collegiate practice of having athletes who are postponing play for a year wear red shirts on the sidelines –  has become more common in the past few decades. The rise in redshirting corresponds to a systemic increase in the rigor and structure of kindergarten curriculum. Parents hope that holding their children back a year will give them a competitive advantage as a result of being more developmentally advanced than their peers. This reasoning is based upon data from athletics showing that children born right after an age cut-off (so, they would end up being the oldest on the playing field), have a competitive advantage. Malcolm Gladwell discussed in his popular book Outliers: The Story of Success that Canadian boys born in early January (right after the January 1st birthday cut-off) had a much greater likelihood of becoming hockey stars.

But, does this logic hold in other settings? Being the biggest and most developed child can convey a competitive advantage in some sports, but is this is the case in academic settings? The short answer is, not really. Although some early studies indicated that there was a competitive advantage to being the oldest in a class, more recent investigations have revealed that redshirting can actually do harm in the long-run. Indeed, the National Association for the Education of Young Children strongly recommends against redshirting.

What Does the Research Tell Us?
As outlined in a recent article in the New Yorker, studies have found that older and bigger kindergarten students perform better (they are less likely to receive negative feedback from teachers, have higher test scores, and fewer reported problems concentrating), but only initially. Such early advantages takea sharp turn downward and are essentially gone by 8th grade and, by college, relatively older students consistently lag behind. A study in 2006 involving 15,000 students from California and Texas found that redshirted children performed worse on standardized tests in 10th grade, were twice as likely to drop out of school, and were less likely to graduate from college. The only positive outcome in these children was that they were more likely to play varsity sports (again, a competitive physical advantage). These results were further supported by other studies such as a Harvard investigation in 2008 which found that delayed academic entry resulted in lower rates of high school and college completion and lower lifetime earnings. It is important to note, however, that these results are based on correlations (which don’t prove causation) and it’s possible that redshirted children were more likely to have delayed school entry due to learning or developmental concerns that then contributed to their increased negative outcomes.

Perhaps even more convincing is a well-designed investigation conducted by economists in Tennessee in 2007. In the study, students were randomly assigned to kindergarten classrooms in order to remove the potential effects of parents or educators influencing a child’s class placement. Children were not necessarily redshirted, but by chance some were oldest and some were youngest in their respective classrooms. Investigators then examined how a child’s relative age in the class influenced long-term outcomes and they found that children who were older than their classmates scored significantly lower on achievement tests (both in kindergarten and in middle school), were more likely to repeat a year, and were less likely to take college-entrance exams.

So, why might a child who is relatively younger be at an advantage? The predominant hypothesis is that children who are surrounded by older peers in the classroom receive a developmental boost from the increased stimulation and challenge of their environment. Essentially, they have to strive to keep up with their older peers and this increases their rate of learning and development with lasting effects. This hypothesis is supported by other developmental psychology research that finds that grades with mixed age levels have a positive effect for the younger students, but only when the majority of the students are older.  Younger children are able to level the playing field through their consistent efforts in an intellectually and academically challenging environment.

How To Decide
The question parents should ask themselves when deciding whether to redshirt is: Do I want my child to have a short-term advantage or a long-term one? While a younger 5-year-old in kindergarten may have to work a bit harder to keep up with older peers, that challenge creates an environment in which a child is pushing his/her limits and learning that through hard work and persistence (what researcher Angela Duckworth calls “grit”) they can reach the level of their peers. The decision to redshirt your child is an individual one based upon many factors such as finances, a child’s emotional development, and fit with a kindergarten setting. While there are no certainties when it comes to how your individual child might be impacted by the decision to redshirt, based on current data, it would likely be wise to think twice about holding him/her back a year.

Up next, we’ll outline some questions that can help you decide whether to redshirt or not. As always, if you have serious concerns about your child’s development and/or readiness for kindergarten, please consult with a professional to discuss your observations as well as the possibility of a comprehensive evaluation.

New Year, Renewed School Motivation!

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A New Year and new semester is upon us. It’s a great time to re-energize and refresh routines for the entire family. Many children struggle to stay organized, manage a hectic schedule, and complete the large volumes of homework that are now the norm in schools. If your child and family are experiencing a mid-year slump, here are some tips for renewed school motivation and organization.

Establish a Routine

By doing the same thing in the same sequence every (or most) days, your child will be able to develop routines that make daily tasks easier to manage. Having a routine also makes it easier for your child to keep track of materials and assignments, manage their work schedule, and understand and meet expectations, which increases self-confidence and decreases anxiety.

Here are some tips for creating a routine.

  • Try to create 1 or 2 routines that involve the entire family. A morning (or evening) routine, such as eating breakfast together, can ensure that you have daily time together as a family. Create a homework folder that “lives” in your child’s backpack and check it together each night.
  • A morning routine is particularly helpful as it can help a child begin to learn a set of steps for getting out of the house on time independently. If you know your family has breakfast at a certain time each morning, set aside part of that time to go over any paperwork that was sent home in your child’s backpack.
  • Set reasonable expectations. Younger children may need verbal and visual reminders (a hanging checklist on their door) about what they need to do, or a set of bins by the door that corral backpacks, shoes, and lunch boxes. As your child grows older, slowly increase the tasks that they are expected to complete independently.
  • By establishing regular routines, troublesome tasks such as keeping track of lunch boxes or signing paperwork from school can become second-nature.

Add Incentives if Needed

If your child has particular difficulty getting started with their homework, they may benefit from some training with simple rewards (a sticker or small daily privilege) to increase their motivation and train a new behavior. Here is a great article by a teacher that provides steps about how to use a short-term reward system to help your child get started without nagging. The objective is to set a reasonable goal (e.g. for your child to start homework by a certain time each day without being asked) and award a sticker each day for success. You will need to monitor your child’s progress and provide consistent rewards in the first couple weeks. Over time, you can slowly wean off the rewards and your child will be better able to carry out the routine regularly as an expectation.

Coordinate with Teachers

If, after trying some of the suggestions above, your child continues to have difficulty with tasks such as bringing home materials, remembering assignments, or starting homework each night, try asking the teacher for support. Your child’s teacher has likely encountered this many times and will have tips/tricks that work best and integrate with her classroom systems. For instance, your child’s teacher may have a website or file sharing system where she posts a list of daily homework assignments. Or, she may suggest coordinating your child’s reward system between home and school (e.g. the teacher could award a bonus sticker each day for returning completed homework).

Your child’s teacher may also have particular insight into what might be the cause of his/her struggles. Some children dawdle on homework because they don’t know how to do the problems. Check in with your child’s teacher about their observations and how to get your child extra help, if needed.

Academic Pressure: What Parents Can Do to Help

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Academic PressureSome children struggle in school academically, while others who are achieving academically may have struggles of being “overachievers.” While being an overachiever can develop one in many ways, it also came with me being anxious due to academic pressure. Children may feel defined myself by the grades they make, and it can impact overall mood. If one does great on a test, life is great! If one does not do well on a test, despite doing their best, life can feel terrible. For the most part, parents only want their kids to try their best. They may not care if their child is on the Honor Roll or get a C. However, at the time it may not feel that way for the child. In working with other children and adolescents about these issues, I can say that is the same case.

Most parents just want their children to do well in school so they can have many opportunities for the future. I think it is very important for parents to talk about their children’s stressors. In addition, it is important for parents to reflect on if their concern for their children’s education is conducive to the parent-child relationship or not. Below are some strategies parents can use either as talking points with their children or ideas which can offer some self-reflection about academics.

Balance

If you think about it, everything in the universe requires balance in order to function. As a self-proclaimed overachiever, I can say this is very difficult. Learning how to achieve balance in one’s life is a lifelong skill. Having balance makes for a well-rounded individual. Children need to know who they are outside of school or sports. They need to know what they like and do not like so they can engage in activities which will better them as a person. So much of the time we live for the big life events such as graduation, weddings, or a new job. Explaining the importance of taking a break to your children will help them to appreciate the little things in life.

Validation

Win or lose it is important to tell your child that you are proud of them. I think this is even more important when your child does not ace the test. I am sure we can all remember the first time someone said, “I’m disappointed in you” and how that felt. We all want to feel that our time and effort is recognized by those who love and care for us. By telling your children you are proud of them will help them to engage in positive coping for the future. Whether they are in college or on the job they can offer themselves those words of encouragement that you instilled in them.

Mistakes Happen

As scary as it may sound, it is important for children to make their own mistakes. I am sure you can all remember letting go of your child’s hands as they took their first steps or letting go of the bicycle as they rode down the street. At the time, I am sure that was a scary situation for you as a parent. Even though your children fell on the floor or off the bicycle, they got back up and kept going. A part of life is making mistakes and growing from those mistakes. If your child does make a mistake, you are there to talk them through that experience. If you have honest conversations with your child about their decision making, it will help them to problem-solve difficult situations for the future.

Recognize the Signs

Every child is different even if they are in the same home. It is important to realize what situations may increase your child’s stress from academic pressure. Also, it is important to be tuned into what behaviors your child may engage in if they are stressed. For some children, they may become more emotional or stay to themselves more often than usual. Do not be afraid to ask questions to your child if you feel something may be wrong. This helps your children to be comfortable talking about their emotions with someone they trust. With that said, it is also important to talk with your child if you notice they are extra happy. Adolescence is a time of confusion about one’s self and how they relate to the world. It is important to prioritize the moments of excitement so you can begin to learn what makes your child happy.

Communicate with Teachers

Teachers are an important part of your child’s academic success. At the beginning of the school year it is important to set expectations for your child’s teacher to contact you. With that said, one must be mindful of teachers’ busy schedules. Children are at school for about eight hours every day. That is a lot of time someone else is spending with your child. This gets harder once children get into middle and high school. Take advantage of open houses and teacher-parent conference days to talk with teachers. It will require more work on you part, but it will be worth the effort.

Conclusion

Academic pressure is a heavy burden for many kids these days. The best way you can support your child’s academics is to be their best cheerleader. Have honest conversations with them as ask what they need from you. Hopefully, this will help not only them but you.

Back to School Nerves? How to Help Your Child.

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You probably remember that antsy feeling before the first day of school. It was a combination of excitement, a little bit of nervousness, and maybe some sadness about the end of vacation. Some kids worry about getting a mean teacher or having a bully from last year reappear in their class again. Mixed feelings during times of transition are normal and healthy! For instance, you might have had a mixture of excitement and fear before heading off to college or some jitters before your wedding. You can set your child up for a smooth transition into the new school year by helping them feel more in control of what is happening. Here are some suggestions that should help:

Start Getting into a New Routine

  • It’s likely that bedtimes and rising times have slowly crept up during the summer. Reset your children’s schedules gradually during the week before school by moving bedtimes 10 minutes earlier each night and practicing evening and morning rituals, such as making tomorrow’s lunch or setting out clothes the night before.
  • Begin to review the daily school routine, “We’ll leave for school at …,” “You’re first class will be…” A large calendar can also be useful for children who learn best visually. You can count down the days to the start of school and write in cues about the daily schedule (e.g., “7:30am: Leave for School”).
  • For older children and teens, set a tentative routine but allow them to have input. Do they prefer to take have a break after school and then complete homework after dinner, or would they rather finish it first so they have free time the rest of the evening? Allowing them to have a say builds planning skills and also shows them that you trust their judgment.

Make it Concrete

  • If your child is starting school for the first time, or moving to a new school, it can be very helpful to take them on a tour of the building and, if possible, to meet their teacher(s) and school staff. Walk them from their classroom to areas that they might frequent such as their locker, playground, and cafeteria. Ask them, “How do you feel here?”, or “Are you feeling happy/scared?” to help them verbalize their emotions.
  • Let your children get involved in choosing their own supplies and school wardrobe. This will help build some positive anticipation of the upcoming change and also help them mentally review what they will need to for each class. Also, allowing children the power to control aspects of some parts of their lives can lower their anxieties about other parts they can’t.
  • If possible, in a fun way, have them review some of their skills from last year before school starts (e.g., make a game out of spelling or math problems, have them describe a book they read over the summer). Anything to get them back into learning mode will help!

Open a Conversation and Listen Respectfully

  • Ask open-ended questions about what your child is thinking or feeling about the start of school. Try not to assume that they might feel one way or the other, rather ask questions that invite conversations, such as, “Is there anything that’s on your mind about the start of school?”, “What are you looking forward to the most/least?”.
  • For older children, rather than peppering them with lots questions in the first few days (e.g., “Did you have a good day?”), let them know that you’re available to listen at all times and on their terms.
  • If your child shares worries or concerns, let them know that some nervousness is normal. It’s helpful to draw on your own experiences, “I used to feel a little worried about where I would sit in the cafeteria too”.
  • Listen to your child’s concerns, but don’t rush to fix the problem. Teaching your child to identify his/her feelings and that they are valid is the most important thing. Children, like all of us, want to “feel felt.”
  • It can be helpful to bring up times in the past when they had similar feelings and ask how they handled them, “Remember how you felt before you started soccer? What did you do then?” Just asking these questions, without trying to fix the problem, can help your child draw on those resources again.

Go Slow and Maintain a Positive Outlook

  • Your attitude about the start of school can have a large impact on your child’s. Try to stay positive and don’t complain about the teacher or school. Monitor your own stress levels, take breaks, and reach out to your support network when needed.
  • Taking it easy the first few weeks is fine! Give children and teens some extra leeway in the beginning, especially when it comes to getting homework done. Transitions can be stressful for everyone and sometimes the best cure is to cut back on unnecessary commitments and plan some quiet family time in the evenings.

A great start for the school year will help children with the jitters, clear the head, and set routines that will help your family have a successful year.

Children Should Move In Class

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Children should move in class because movement can promote focus and learning. Several studies have shown that physical activity enhances brain functioning. Yet, most of the school day requires sitting still. A recent New York Times article summarizes why children should move during their classes. Teachers can encourage movement at the beginning, during instruction, and at the end of a lesson. Parents can also help children take movement breaks during homework. I list a few ideas that can encourage movement during academic tasks.

Begin with Movement

At the beginning of instruction or homework, teachers and parents can help students engage in “warm up” exercises such as stretches, jumping jacks, jogging in place, or arm movements. Stretching, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation before tests can also help decrease anxiety and tension. Videos can help teachers and children learn how to use progressive muscle relaxation to reduce tension. Parents can facilitate physical activity before homework by encouraging outside play or indoor movement such as dancing. MUVE multi-generational dance videos are a perfect resource if teachers or parents run out of creative movement ideas.

Move During Instruction

Children should move in class during instruction. Response cards and choral responding are two teaching strategies that increase engagement in the lesson, as well as encourage movement. Active engagement has been shown to reduce behavior problems in the classroom. Children are less likely to act out if they are actively participating in the lesson.

End With Movement

End sedentary activities with a movement break. GoNoodle is an online resource and app that facilitates short, education-based movement breaks, ranging from 1 to 20 minutes. Educators, parents, and children can sign up for a free subscription at GoNoodle.com.

Cool Down 

Students may also need to “cool down” to prepare for learning after invigorating activities such as recess, lunch, assemblies, and school-wide drills. The Stop, Breathe, and Think website provides a number of free, relaxing activities and explains how mindful meditation can help students calm down after intense movement. Teachers and parents can encourage youth to participate in a few minutes of mindful breathing following intense activity to help them regain focus.

Years of research has shown that children should move in class. Help facilitate attention and learning through movement!

Enhancing Parent and Teacher Collaboration

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As we start a new school year, building a positive relationship with your children’s teachers is an essential component for success. Research shows that when parents and teachers work together, students benefit greatly. Overall, students attend school more regularly, perform better on tests, earn higher grades, have better behavior, and show more positive attitudes toward themselves and school. Yet, collaboration between parents and teachers is not always an easy process! Effective collaboration goes beyond contributing snacks to the classroom parties, and focuses on proactive and open communication. Whether your child is struggling in school, or you simply want to maintain successful strategies, the following are some tips for enhancing parent and teacher collaboration:

  • Establish a Shared Goal. Parents and teachers have the same goal: they want the best for the student. As early in the year as possible, it can be helpful to communicate this in an explicit way. You should feel encouraged to seek out communication with your child’s teachers. Open House or Back to School Night is a great opportunity to introduce yourself, establish your goals to work as a team, and let the teacher know how to best reach you.
  • Communicate Proactively. Don’t wait for your teacher to contact you! You are the expert on your child, and thus can be very helpful in providing insight into what works best. In addition, you can be vital in communicating things happening at home that might affect your child’s behavior. A pending divorce, serious illness, health problems (e.g., allergies, asthma), a change or addition of a medication, or birth of a new baby are all examples of things that can help teachers better understand and support your child.
  • Establish Expectations Early. Don’t wait for the phone call home! Ask if your child’s behavior is in accordance with classroom expectations. Does my child follow rules without difficulty? Is my child meeting expectations for learning? Does my child seem to have friends in the classroom? What are my child’s strengths? If concerns surface, find out how the teacher deals with problems and how you might be able to reinforce appropriate behavior at home. Consistent behavior management strategies will provide clear expectations for your child and help establish collaboration between home and school.
  • Accentuate the Academics. Ask if there are activities you can provide at home to help your child practice the skills learned at school. What type of books should you read to or with your child? Are there games or activities to help practice the newly introduced math facts? What is the best way to help your child practice spelling? How can you make these activities fun? This is where teachers’ expertise can be valued and supported!
  • Offer Assistance. Although cookies and PTA meetings are not sufficient to establish an effective collaboration, they certainly can help! Volunteering can take many forms—so think outside the box! Some parents’ schedules allow them to come to help out in a classroom on a weekly or monthly basis. Other parents may want to seek out opportunities that occur outside the regular classroom hours. Simply communicating your willingness to help out can establish a collaborative and supportive relationship with your child’s teacher and school.
  • Strike a Balance. As with everything in life—the key to a successful parent-teacher collaboration is balance! While teachers greatly appreciate parents who are proactive and involved in their child’s educational experience, it is important to keep in mind that your child’s teacher is establishing and maintaining these relationships with many other families! Be proactive, persistent, but patient in your communication. Find out what is the best way to communicate with your child’s teacher, and maintain reasonable expectations for their time. In addition, keep in mind what is best for your child in terms of your participation in their educational experience. Sometimes it is best to volunteer in another classroom, if your presence might be distracting to your child. Again, open communication with your child’s teacher can be key to establishing and maintaining a helpful collaboration!

Reassuring Children about School Safety

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It is difficult to shield our children from incessant media coverage increasing their risk of experiencing secondary trauma. Our data-streaming world assures that our kids are well-aware of the most recent school shooting incident. So, how can parents help their kids feel safe at school?

Discussion Tips

Choose a setting to have a discussion where your child will feel comfortable. Perhaps this will be in the family room or at the kitchen table.  While talking, allow the child to guide the discussion. Be honest and don’t make promises that you can’t keep, such as promising you will never allow this to happen to them. Instead, reassure them that you are taking steps to keep them safe. Be sure to stick to the facts. It is important to give them enough age-appropriate details to understand the situation. Discuss with them how low the actual probability is that these incidents occur. Explain that it is normal to feel scared or worried and even share your feelings with them. Help them devise a plan that will help them feel safe. Whether that is sharing your understanding of their school’s safety procedures or preparing them for safety drills at school. Last, it is important to limit their exposure to graphic media coverage as much as possible.

School Safety Resources

There are many resources available to plan your discussion in addition to advocating for changes in policy. The National Association of  School Psychologists (NASP) has a list of tips for parents and teachers to help discuss violence with children. Also, NPR recently posted a discussion with one of NASP’s former presidents about tips for discussing terrible things with children. Lastly, Safe and Sound Schools offers many resources to empower parents, including toolkits that explain how they can impact policies to increase school safety. Monitor their mental health status and if their fears do not subside after a few weeks, consider seeking therapy to address their underlying anxiety.

 

5 very simple tips for getting the kiddos to school on time

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Getting to school on time and consistently on time can be a constant struggle for some families.  Running around the house, searching for lost articles of clothing and trying to mix something up real quick for breakfast and lunch can turn into absolute mayhem.  So, how can we all prepare for a more relaxing morning while also preparing for school?  Here are some very simple tips that can help alleviate a stressful morning so we can get our children off to school…on time!

Be Prepared

Prepare for the expected!  Sometimes unexpected situations happen that are out of our reach, which is ok.  However, we can prepare for what’s expected to happen that day, right?  Do what you can the night before.  Have in mind what you might want to do for breakfast and lunch.  Make sure clothes are picked out and ready to go.  Also, try to wake up before the kids do to give you some extra time to prepare for… well whatever.  Is the car filled with gas?  Do you have everything you need to make lunch?  What’s the weather prediction for the day? Be prepared!

Get Organized

Organization is an important characteristic to have in everyday life, especially when trying to get the family ready for their day.  School items and any other items that will be needed for the day should have a designated area somewhere throughout the home to promote easy access to necessary items.  Having backpacks packed and ready the night before, clothes laid out the night before, and everything needed to make a solid breakfast and lunch will only make the morning less stressful for everybody! So first, prepare, then organize!

Get into a Routine

A consistent schedule should be set for weekday nights and mornings.  Try to have a set bedtime and a set time to wake-up, for everybody in the family!  This will help designate an everyday routine for everyone.  Will you pack lunches that night or in the morning before the kids wake?  It’s up to us to set our routines, so do what works best for you and your family!  Prepare, organize, and get into a routine!

Set up an Environment for Success

Incorporate specific items in the home that might improve on-time behavior.  For example, the addition of more clocks throughout the home could possibly help with school tardiness.  Also, being prepared, getting organized, and setting a routine will help improve an environment for success!

Reinforce On-Time Behavior

Reinforce behaviors you expect from your children that will promote on-time behavior.  For instance, if the family makes it to school on time for a week, maybe cook a special breakfast one morning for everybody.  Or, just letting children know they are doing a “great job” sometimes helps!  Again, do what works best for you and your family, but try to reinforce positive on-time behavior in some form or fashion!

So to wrap up, this is really about planning and preparation, which we are all capable of doing, right?  Don’t forget to discover a schedule that will establish a consistent routine.  Last, remember to set up an environment for success and reward behaviors you wish to see.  These 5 tips should help us improve our mornings, which hopefully moving forward, should improve the rest of our day!

Transitioning Back to School: Tips for Parents

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Beginning a new school year is both exciting and nerve-racking for parents and children. The transition is especially challenging for families with children on the autism spectrum. While transitions are difficult, there are things families can do to help prepare their children for the new school year. Keep these tips in mind to make the transition back to school a success:

Prepare your child for change

The beginning of a new school year brings many changes at once. Familiarize your child with anything new related to school as much as possible. This may mean bringing your child into their school or classroom, showing your child a picture of their teacher and any classmates, or even meeting the teacher before the first day of school.

Resume routines

Over summer vacation your child’s morning and evening routines may have changed. They may be waking up and going to bed at different times. Start adjusting your child to the school year schedule and routine well before the school year actually begins.

Prepare your child’s teacher

When it comes to your children, you are the expert! Just as your child may need some preparation for a new teacher, your child’s teacher will benefit from getting to know your child ahead of time. Make sure to share any tips or tricks you have learned about your child, including strengths and challenges, what motivates him/her, and how to respond when he/she is upset.

Review the “hidden curriculum”

While many children switch easily between the social demands of summer and those required in a classroom, children on the autism spectrum may need more explicit reminders. The hidden curriculum refers to social information that is not directly taught, but is assumed that everyone knows. Go over the “dos and don’ts” of acceptable school behavior. More information regarding the hidden curriculum can be found here.

The School Year Wrap-Up

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Before the school year becomes a distant, faded memory, it can be helpful to sit down with your son or daughter to do a positive “school year wrap-up.” This exercise prompts self-reflection and helps your child make connections between actions and outcomes.

It is good to connect the dots while memories of the school year are still fresh. The goal of the school year wrap-up is to discuss positive behaviors and areas of growth, with a more minor focus on habits that need to be changed. These strategies have also been discussed here by Dr. Maggie Kirkland.

First, ask for your child’s permission to have this conversation and describe it as a chance to talk about their successes and anything they’d like to change for next year. Then, select a day and time when you’ll have their undivided attention for at least a half hour.

Step 1: Review materials. It’s helpful to get out the past year’s academic materials (e.g. binders, notes, assignments, report cards) to have something concrete to jog your child’s memory.

  • Once you have all of your materials, focus on positive outcomes by asking:
    • Are there certain assignments that you are proud of?
    • Did anything turn out better than expected?
    • What do you think you did to make things go well with that class/assignment?
  • If you have report cards or grades, look for patterns without focusing too much on the numbers. Ask more generally:
    • What classes were the easiest and the hardest?
    • What was it about those that made them more/less challenging?
    • Was there anything that surprised you about your classes?
  • Next, look more specifically at homework and notes, and ask about how/when they worked best. The goal is to encourage them to reflect on their performance and their behavior over the past year.

Step 2: Make a list of accomplishments and areas of growth from the past year

  • Once you’ve reviewed materials from the past year, take a step back and ask your child to identify 1-2 things that they learned:
    • What am I better at doing now than I used to be?
    • What have I learned about myself?
  • List these on a piece of paper – Make this list simple and colorful for younger (elementary) children and more detailed and specific for adolescents and teens.
  • Then, ask about what didn’t go as well:
    • What assignments did you struggle with the most?
    • Is there anything you wish you had done differently to make these turn out better?
    • What can you learn from this experience?

Parent Tip – Try to make this exercise positive and reflective, with a focus on times that your child’s effort contributed to success (which fosters what Dr. Carol Dweck describes as a growth mindset). If your child is frustrated with past failures, remind them of previous times that they have coped with similar struggles. The goal is to encourage them to focus on what they can learn from any setbacks and to express your confidence that they can work to make things better next time.

Step 3: Record lessons learned and note “things to work on” for next year

  • During this step, it can be a nice opportunity to begin tentatively thinking ahead to next year. Write down a few “things to work on” for next year. Ask your child:
    • Is there anything you’d like to change about how you handle classes next year?
    • What would you like to try to make things go better in ….. [provide a specific class or area that they have struggled]?
    • Things went really well in English, is there anything you learned from that experience that might help with other classes?
  • Then, ask your child if they can think of anything that they need to help make that happen. Write down any ideas your child has, for instance:
    • Do they think that it might be helpful to work with a tutor if they have trouble in math?
    • Would it make sense to drop an extracurricular activity if they don’t have enough time for homework?

Parent Tip – Try to help them generate ideas about how they can continue to improve and grow. If they need some suggestions, that is fine, but the ideas will be most effective if they come from your child!

Now that you’ve gone through your child’s school materials carefully, clear out old materials. Keep only those that will be helpful for next year and store them in a clearly labeled binder. The most important thing to keep is the list you just made about things that went well and things to change next year. Put this list at the front of the binder where it’s easy for your child to see.

Next, we’ll discuss setting concrete goals before the next school year. The list you created during the semester wrap-up can be a great jumping off point for that next conversation!