Bedtime Routines for Kids with Autism
Parent Perspective: How to Get Your Autistic Child to Sleep Without Losing Your Mind
Shortly after my son was diagnosed with autism, I met a nurse whose own son was on the spectrum. As we talked, she shared stories of sleepless nights, her son running through the house at all hours, and the exhaustion that came with it. I remember feeling a pit in my stomach—was this what my future looked like? After all, she was a nurse and still hadn’t quite figured it out. Would bedtime always be a battle? Would I ever sleep well again?
If you’re a parent of a child with autism, you might be asking yourself the same questions. Bedtime can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re running on fumes and just need a good night’s sleep. And while it may never be perfect, it can get better. With a mindset shift and a few adjustments, bedtime can become less of a fight and more of a calming ritual for both you and your child. Here are some ideas on how to make it work for you.
Bedtime begins with mindset.
If you’ve been struggling with putting your child to sleep and it hasn’t been going well, it’s understandable you don’t have many positive emotions around bedtime. Putting your child to bed can feel like a fight, and it’s not just kids with autism, by the way. Most children resist going to bed, even when they’re exhausted, and most parents have little energy left at the end of the day. It’s often a recipe for frustration and power struggles.
If this sounds familiar, consider shifting your mindset. Instead of dreading the bedtime routine, try reframing it as an intentional time of connection and bonding. This small mental change in thinking can make a big difference in how the evening unfolds.
My son and I almost always end up in some form of conflict when I over-excitedly announce it’s time for bed! Though he is non-speaking, he has plenty of ways to tell me he’s not ready—ignoring me, sprawling out on the family room floor, refusing to move, or tossing aside the bedtime stories I suggest.
So, I changed my approach. Instead of insisting, I join him in whatever play he engages in. If he’s stimming, I’ll cuddle beside him while he shakes a toy and begin asking him questions. Eventually, he responds, and I try to turn that into a shared experience—maybe singing, tickling, or transitioning into a bedtime book. When he feels seen and connected, bedtime becomes an easier sell.
When the process is enjoyable and soothing for both of you, it naturally goes better. And when it gets hard (because it might), don’t give up. Consistency is an essential part of raising an autistic child.
Start with the end in mind.
When planning your autistic child’s bedtime routine, it helps to begin with the goal in mind. What time do you want your child to be in bed—not necessarily asleep, but settled and comfortable? Once you have that ideal time, work backward and start the bedtime routine about 30 minutes before.
Start this 30 minutes before bedtime.
Research has taught us a lot about sleep hygiene—what helps and what hinders a good night’s rest. Here are some key sleep tips to keep in mind as you begin winding down for the night:
Turn off electronic devices to reduce exposure to blue light, which can interfere with sleep. AAC devices should be an exception, as they help create a structured bedtime routine.
Give your child a small snack or glass of milk. Having something light in their stomach may help them feel more sleepy. Milk especially has an amino acid that the body uses to produce serotonin and melatonin, helping your child feel more sleepy.
Take a bath and/or use aromatherapy for a calming sensation before sleep. Give your child a warm bath with lavender-scented soap, or use essential oils. Note: Some kids (mine!) are highly stimulated by water, so bathing before bed might have the opposite effect.
Create a visual schedule.
Use a visual schedule to provide a clear, consistent bedtime pattern. A simple chart on the wall can be a helpful reminder for you and your child.
Here’s an example of bedtime steps that might work well for a young child with autism:
- Bath
- Brush teeth
- Pajamas
- Cuddles
- Storytime
- Sound machine
- Soothing lights
A structured and predictable routine may help your child feel more secure at bedtime, making the experience smoother and more peaceful for both of you.
Sleep strategies for autism and sleep problems that may help.
Every child is different, but here are a few things that may help build healthy sleep patterns:
Ending the day with cuddles.
My son and I both look forward to snuggles at the end of the day. Sometimes, he will even initiate this by coming over to me and leaning his body against mine at the end of the day. Cuddling often begins on the couch and continues after my child is in bed.
Reading a bedtime story.
We usually choose a bedtime book that isn’t too short or long—just something enjoyable to read together. If your child wants to hear the same book over and over again, that’s okay. It likely brings them comfort and predictability, even though it feels repetitive for you.
Creating a safe and cozy sleep space.
Because sleep and safety are both so important, we invested in the Abrams The Saftey Sleeper Bed, a specially designed tent for autistic children. This enclosed space helps my child feel secure and prevents him from wandering at night. He loves his tent, and bedtime is much easier for him because it feels like a safe, cozy haven.
Common bedtime challenges for kids with autism.
One thing I’ve noticed is that my son resists bedtime more when he isn’t tired. While consistency is important, it’s equally important to recognize your child’s natural sleep cues. Base your child’s bedtime on when they’re actually getting sleepy. There are age-based guides that can help determine the proper bedtime, but ultimately, your child’s cues are the best indicator.
During the day, make sure they get plenty of movement and at least 30 minutes to an hour of outdoor time. Exposure to natural light earlier in the day helps regulate their internal clock, signaling to their brain when it’s time for sleep.
Winning at bedtime with your autistic child.
Through years of trial and error, I’ve learned that my son is much more willing to comply with bedtime if he sees me calm, present, and engaged. My presence matters.
When I am in a hurry—just trying to check bedtime off my list so I can move on to chores or go to bed myself—it never goes smoothly. But everything flows better when I slow down, embrace the routine, and connect with him.
Kids are incredibly in tune with our emotions. When bedtime feels like a stressful obligation, they can pick up on that.
Bedtime with a child on the spectrum isn’t always easy, but with patience, consistency, and a shift in mindset, it can become more peaceful and meaningful. Find what works for your child, focus on connection, and give yourself grace on the tough nights. You are doing an amazing job.
What are your ideas and questions?
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Kathy McClelland is a freelance copywriter and marketer for pediatric healthcare and special education brands from Austin, Texas. Before becoming a mom, her work included promoting medical journals and online publications for the American Academy of Pediatrics and parenting books for Tyndale House Publishers. When her second son was born with a rare genetic condition, she was thrust into the world of special needs parenting. Her website is kathymcopywriting.com.
Disclaimer: While I am a consultant writing on behalf of BrightPath Behavior, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at BrightPath Behavior.
Note: The information provided in this article is for general guidance and does not replace professional advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.
