A Powerful Strategy to Improve Behavior Problems

All kids present with behavior problems periodically – and some of those can really get under our skin over time. However, as parents and teachers, we don’t always address these challenging behaviors in the most effective ways. Often, we end up telling our kids to “stop it” or threatening them with various punitive measures if they don’t. “David, if you don’t stop yelling, you are going to lose video game time!” Um, we might even be yelling at David to stop yelling – not a good example for little David!

As I discussed in my first blog, the relationship is key to kids being receptive to feedback, limits, and even praise. If we have a strong relationship with our kids, they are much more likely to be receptive to what we say and respond positively. So, it is critical to always be reaching out to our kids to try to spend positive time with them to build the relationship.

Now, when our kids do act out or present with challenges, it can be very important to intervene and redirect. But no one likes to be reprimanded for misbehavior, right? Think back to when you were a kid – even when we did misbehave, it didn’t feel good to be reprimanded. How about when our spouse or significant other calls us out for something they don’t like – often that is difficult feedback to take without becoming defensive.

An Alternative to Correcting Misbehavior

Whatever behavior that keeps occurring that you find most frustrating, what is its behavioral opposite? What is it that you want to see? For instance, in the case of little David, if he yells a lot at his sibling, using an inside voice is what we want to hear. If David happens to be in another room with his sibling, we are probably hoping to hear nothing at all! Now, instead of waiting for David to yell…so then we can tell him to stop yelling…listen for his use of an inside voice…particularly in the situations in which he struggles the most.

So, if David his playing with his sibling, William, without any “drama” for a bit, we should be mindful of this and let him know. We could poke our head in the room and say, “David and William, I notice that ya’ll have been playing quietly with one another. I didn’t hear you at all in the other room! I really appreciate how you have been using inside voices.”

This is one version of “catch them for being good.” When I used to work at treatment programs for behaviorally-challenged kids, we would call this “competitive positive behavior.” Sometimes we would give verbal praise to all the kids who were behaving properly before giving a prompt to the child who wasn’t following the rules. For instance, if the direction was to walk in a line behind us, and Jeffrey was out of line clowning around, we might say, “I like the way Aiden, Harrison, Britney, and Jack are walking in a straight line.” Usually, this would be enough of a prompt for Jeffrey to go back in line. At this point we would quickly say something like, “Jeffrey, I really like the way you got back into line! Thanks for listening and following our line rules!”

The Benefits of Praising Competitive Positive Behavior

Here are just a few of the benefits of praising competitive positive behavior:

  1. It feels better to kids to be praised for positive behavior than to be reprimanded for misbehavior.
  2. It is pro-active. We aren’t playing the waiting game to pounce on our kid’s misbehavior.
  3. It is more specific. Telling kids what we don’t want to see doesn’t necessarily tell them what we do want to see.
  4. It serves as a gentle reminder for the behavior we want to see. In the previous example, little David is now more aware of his use of an inside voice. He’s less likely to start yelling because we just praised him…which serves as a reminder…to use an inside voice.

As with anything else, we get better at what we practice. If we practice praising competitive positive behaviors, we will get better at catching them when they happen. Like anything in life, this doesn’t always work. But I can guarantee you that it works at least some of the time – probably a lot of time. With consistent use of this approach, we save both kiddos and ourselves a lot of headaches, frustration, stress, and hurt feelings. Give it a try!

Knowing When to Ask is Key to Our Success – Pt .1

In my practice as a behavior analyst, I like to focus on helping the children I work with to increase desirable behaviors. In order to achieve this increase in behaviors, I use reinforcement and discrimination training techniques.

When working with the child to increase these desirable behaviors, it is often valuable to note the relationship between the time a behavior and its corresponding events occur. I do this by analyzing the behavior in what is known as the A-B-C diagram. In this diagram, the A is the antecedent, or event that occurs in time just before the behavior in question, the B is the specific behavior we’d like to see more of in the future, and the C is the consequence, or event that takes place in time just after the behavior has occurred. By using at the A-B-C diagram, we can better understand the behavior and its relationship to events in time.

For example; a mom asks her daughter, Bobbie to take her cup to the sink (antecedent), Bobbie quickly takes her cup to the sink (behavior), and Bobbie immediately gets a special treat (consequence). If the rate of Bobbie’s behavior of taking the cup to the sink when mom asks her to increases in the future, we learn that the special treat worked to reinforce the behavior. This is good to know! Now we have a way to see how the behavior increased.

Whether you are a parent, teacher, or therapist, breaking the behavior and events down into these three parts is helpful. It helps us to get a clearer picture of certain behavior patterns, and also the A-B-C diagram helps us to develop tools in order to select more appropriate behaviors from the children we are near.

What’s the "Right" Amount of Discipline?

As I posted in my previous blog, I’m not a big fan of “disciplining” children. By “discipline,” I mean the use of various  rewards & punishments to get our kids to increase or decrease certain behaviors. For most folks, I think that “disciplining” children is focused on punitive measures (e.g., grounding, restrictions, taking away TV, toys, video games). I am not a believer in the use of corporal punishment with children. I know this can be controversial subject, so perhaps I’ll reserve that for a separate blog!

For the purposes of this blog, I’m also focusing “rewards” in terms of different types of incentives (e.g,. stickers, money, candy, toys, and privileges such as video game time). Praise can be a wonderful reinforcer, and we definitely should use praise, attention, recognition, (and verbal corrections) within the context of a strong relationship to help our kids “behave.” This blog is about the other types of “discipline” though.

Parenting shouldn’t mainly be about dangling (metaphorical) carrots and waving (metaphorical) sticks to get our children to do what we think they should be doing. I believe that if, as I detailed in the aforementioned blog, we invest in building strong relationships with our children, they will naturally be more inclined to listen to us and follow our directions. This, of course, doesn’t mean they always will, it just increases the odds. Now for a few caveats:

  1. I’m NOT saying that we don’t ever need to use various types of rewards and punishments with our children.
  2. I’m not talking about corporal punishment – I don’t advocate its use. Technically, according to principles of operant conditioning, a punishment is the introduction of stimulus or a change in the environment in response to a behavior with the goal of decreasing that particular behavior. The behavior is the target, NOT the child. I just want to ensure that the term punishment is not equated with physical punishment. The term is much more broad than that.
  3. For children on the autism spectrum, a systemic approach to behavior intervention called Applied Behavior Analysis or “ABA” is very effective. The earlier the intervention, the more positive the results are likely to be. However, ABA is a very systematic approach to behavior analysis and modification…or the “shaping” of desired behaviors. It’s not the type of discipline I’m talking about in this blog.
A Powerful Tip on How to Discipline

Okay, this might strike you as rather obvious but, in my twenty years of practice, I’ve seen parents make this mistake so many times that I believe it is worth a blog. I’ve always liked the expression that don’t use a frying pan to kill a fly when you can use a fly swatter. When using various rewards (more technically, these are referred to as reinforcements) and punishments, parents should use the least amount necessary to get the desired result. 

Here’s how this principle looks in practice. Let’s say that you have two kiddos, and that you’ve established a rule that they will lose video game time if they are aggressive with one another or peers/friends. Let’s say Johnny gets upset with Timmy and pushes him hard to the ground and hurts Timmy. How much video game time should Johnny lose? Well, if taking it away for a day will likely change his behavior, then only take the video games away for one day. Why take it away for a week? What purpose does that serve?

Other Considerations When Using Reinforcement and Punishment
  1. If we take a privilege away for an extended period, then we can’t use the withdrawal of that privilege until the punishment period ends. Taking away video games or, for teens, cell phones, for a period of time can be a powerful motivator for behavior change. But if we take away the cell phone from a teen for a month, then we can’t take it away as a consequence again for any other type of behavior problem for that an entire month!
  2. If we give a very big reward to reinforce a desired behavior (e.g., a big slumber/pizza party with friends for good grades), then this sets the bar very high. So, such big rewards can backfire in that trying to reward other behaviors might pale in comparison to the previously obtained reward: “I don’t want stickers! Let’s go to Chuck E. Cheese like last time!”
  3. If reward behaviors that are already intrinsically motivating, then the child might lose motivation to engage in the behavior on their own. For instance, if you pay your child to practice piano, it is likely that she will enjoy it less than she used to and is less likely to practice/play on her own without the incentive of money as a reward being offered.

Reinforcements in the form of tangible rewards and punishments have their place in parenting but, overall, it is best to focus on the relationship. A strong relationship with our children is the real key to successful parenting. It is through this relationship that we can use praise and redirection to help encourage desired behavior and discourage undesired behavior. But when we do need to use more tangible rewards and punishments, keep in mind the principle that we should use the least amount necessary to get the desired result.

You might be interested in Dr. Brooks’ second post on this topic: A Powerful Strategy to Improve Behavior Problems.

Recognizing the Early Signs of Autism in Infants and Toddlers

Autism is a complex neurological disorder affecting approximately 1 in 88 children in the US (CDC, 2013). Up until a decade or so ago, parents often had to wait until their child was at least 3, and sometimes until they got to school, before autism could be detected. Today we can recognize symptoms in children as young as 12 months. While no two children with autism are alike (or as I like to say, “when you’ve met one child with autism, you’ve met one child with autism!”), knowing the signs can greatly improve a child’s chances of future success; the earlier a child begins receiving effective treatment, the sooner he or she can begin showing improvement. Following are some of the earliest warning signs of autism.

  1. Lack of Eye Contact: Does your child look at you when you are talking to or playing with him?
  2. Lack of Joint Attention: When you are playing with your baby, does she try to share her interest or enthusiasm with you? For example, does she point at things and want you to see them, too?
  3. Limited/No Language: Is he not yet talking, though developmentally he should be?
  4. Unusual/No Play: Does your child “play” in a manner unlike other children? For example, does she “fixate” on a single object or play with toys in an unusual way (such as opening and closing the door of a toy bus rather than rolling the bus)?
  5. Stereotyped Behaviors: Does your child engage in repetitive motor mannerisms, such as flicking his fingers in front of his eyes over and over?
  6. Limited Social Awareness/Interest: When other children are around, does your child appear uninterested in playing with them, or appear aloof?

Certainly many children may from time to time display some of these behaviors and not have autism. For those for whom these are chronic and persistent characteristics, parents may wish to contact their pediatrician, a psychologist, or other autism-related professional. Research over the last two decades has taught us two important lessons about autism. First, it can be detected early. This is good news because second, early intervention changes lives!